Mandated Prenuptial Agreements
Marriage, once revered, now appears obsolete! After nearly a decade together, my wife betrayed me repeatedly and then dragged me through court proceedings. Despite her minimal input into our household and family, she walked away with a whopping 80% of our shared assets. This ordeal has solidified my belief in the necessity for prenuptial agreements mandated by governments. It's imperative to overhaul the current system to ensure fairness and justice for all involved parties. With divorce rates nearing 50%, why do governments exhibit such bias toward towards one party? This trend has spawned an entire industry of women and even some men with no intention to contribute. To any man or woman contemplating marriage without a prenup, I implore you to reconsider! Are you willing to risk it all?
I firmly believe that governmental intervention is necessary in this regard, and there are several compelling reasons to support this stance.
Firstly, it removes the uncomfortable burden of initiating the discussion about signing prenuptial agreements from one partner to the other. This eliminates doubts about motivations and ensures that financial considerations do not overshadow the foundation of the relationship.
Secondly, it ensures that family assets remain intact within the family unit rather than being drained by costly legal proceedings.
Thirdly, it addresses the significant backlog in family courts, where wait times can stretch to an unreasonable 2 to 3 years in my country.
Lastly, governmental intervention would curb the troubling trend of viewing marriage as a career path, emphasizing the importance of love and commitment above financial gain.
My Story
I'm certain that my experience is not unique, and I don't consider my story to be extraordinary. Regrettably, I believe it reflects a widespread issue in many first-world countries. Many of my readers likely have stories of infidelity or divorce outcomes that surpass mine in terms of shock and disappointment.
Residing in a first-world country, I crossed paths with my wife while she was traveling through my city. At 30 years old, I had been employed full-time since the age of 16. Two years prior to meeting her, I had ventured into my own business and had already engaged in successful property transactions, including buying and selling a house for profit. Currently, I was in a better home purchased with the proceeds, diligently paying off the remaining mortgage. Additionally, I had acquired four cars for business purposes. In contrast, she possessed no assets of her own.
Our romance took off like a whirlwind right from our first date, even though she had to depart for her home country's Christmas celebrations just three days later. Despite the distance, we maintained daily contact over Skype, and she returned a few months later for a visit. She stayed with me for approximately three months before embarking on a journey to another Eastern European country to complete her university degree. Nonetheless, we stayed in touch every day until she returned a year later to stay with me once again. Over the following years, she made multiple trips back home to visit family or continue schooling, staying for extended periods each time while I stayed home to run the business.
We eventually became engaged and were soon married six months later. Throughout this period, she had not made any financial contributions to our relationship, nor had she pursued any meaningful employment opportunities, despite possessing an unused university degree. Meanwhile, my business was flourishing, and I dedicated extensive hours to its expansion. Despite the stress and exhaustion, I was motivated by thoughts of a future with the woman I was deeply in love with and the possibility of starting a family. As the business continued to thrive, I successfully paid off the mortgage on my house, even renting out some of the spare rooms for additional income.
When the topic of her contributing to our future arose, she reluctantly took on a job, albeit unpaid volunteer work. To my disappointment, she adamantly refused to utilize her university degree to seek employment. Eventually, she secured a minimum wage gardening job, where she befriended an individual, we will call Robert. One Friday shortly after starting this job, she returned home and began packing a bag, explaining that Robert had invited her to a party at his house and she intended to stay the night. Notably, she did not extend an invitation to me, clearly indicating her desire to attend the party alone. I said sure you can go but pack all your things because you won't be coming back. There is no way I am going to let my fiancé stay overnight at some other man's house without me that’s crazy. Despite her resistance, she eventually relented and chose not to attend, later messaging Robert to inform him that I had prohibited her from going, portraying me as some kind of overly protective and jealous individual.
Red Flags
Moving forward a couple of years, I found myself managing two thriving businesses, complete with an office, ten staff members, and a fleet of thirty cars. Despite the success, I was consumed by long hours and immense stress as I strived to secure a bright future for my growing family. Our residence had upgraded to a spacious two-story house with a stunning ocean view in an excellent neighbourhood, which I was rapidly paying off with my substantial income. Meanwhile, my wife had ceased working after two years at her minimum wage job to focus on raising our two young children, who were born close in age.
When our second child turned two and started attending daycare full-time, I once again broached the subject of my wife returning to work to expedite our mortgage payments. I was grappling with stress from my business and yearned to take a step back to spend more time with the family. Despite my encouragement, she was highly hesitant. Eventually, I took it upon myself to find a job for her. It turned out to be an ideal position—close to home with flexible hours. Although it wasn't a high-paying job, it brought me comfort knowing that we were both working toward the same goals, and I no longer felt isolated in my stress.
My businesses where consuming more and more of my time and I started to develop physical symptoms related to the stress. It was then I decided I needed to sell the business for my own health or it would end up killing me. I made the decision to sell one of my businesses and liquidate the assets of the other. I immediately allocated the proceeds to pay off the remaining mortgage, leaving us with only 10% left to pay. Subsequently, I secured a high-paying job that required periodic travel, but with an even-time roster. This arrangement allowed me to spend two weeks away for work followed by two weeks at home, free from stress and fully present with my children. My health gradually returned to normalcy during this time off.
Once again, my wife befriended another man at her new job, frequently mentioning him in conversation. The way she spoke about him left me with a sinking feeling that she harbored feelings for him. I became increasingly suspicious of this individual, and my concerns were confirmed when my four-year-old child inadvertently revealed details of the affair. It became apparent that he had been visiting our home at night while I was away at work. Armed with enough evidence, I confronted my wife, and after intense interrogation, she admitted to the affair, which had been ongoing for months.
In an effort to salvage our family and provide a stable environment for our children, I arranged for marriage counseling. Unfortunately, the session did not yield the desired outcome. When prompted to speak first by the counselor, I recounted the story of my wife's infidelity. Turning to her, I looked into her eyes and expressed the pain it caused me, tears streaming down my face. In response, she defensively crossed her arms and angrily asserted, "You can't tell me who I can be friends with, you can't tell me who I can and cannot associate with." In that moment, I realized our marriage was beyond repair.
A Decade of Deceit
The house was sold, and the proceeds were placed into a locked account. Despite her minimal contributions, I was willing to split the assets evenly, as my priority has always been our children's well-being. I wanted to spare them any unnecessary suffering. In my opinion, a 50/50 split would have provided both parents with an equal footing to rebuild their lives, along with a shared custody arrangement that would allow our children to thrive. I even expressed my desire to live nearby so that the children could easily visit either parent whenever they wished. However, my ex-wife had different intentions...
Indeed, the affair inflicted a deep wound, akin to a searing blade piercing my heart. I harbor no shame in acknowledging the pain it caused. However, the agony that followed in the ensuing years far surpassed that initial hurt. Witnessing her lack of remorse as she relentlessly pursued legal action, aiming to drain every last dollar from me, was nothing short of malevolent.
Upon securing legal representation, she resorted to employing every conceivable tactic at her disposal, resorting to extreme measures such as leveraging our children in outrageous ways, even attempting to have them diagnosed as disabled.
At the age of 42, I reflect on a journey of 26 years of full time employment, starting at the age of 16. It required relentless dedication and weathering business-related stress to achieve financial stability. My wife's financial contributions spanned a mere 2-3 years, earning a comparatively minimal wage. She demonstrated little interest in employment, requiring my insistence for her to seek a job. Without my prompting, she likely would have remained unemployed during our entire relationship.
Regarding unpaid labour, some may argue about the contributions wives make to the household. However, I have considered this aspect as well. My wife despised cooking, a task I enjoyed, leading me to handle all cooking responsibilities throughout our relationship, except when work commitments forced me away. Similarly, she disliked grocery shopping, a chore I took pleasure in, often surprising her with flowers during these outings. She did not participate in shopping. When our children were born and required nighttime care, we shared feeding and nursing duties. This arrangement worked well, especially since the children quickly transitioned to formula. Cleaning duties were split evenly; I managed major tasks such as vacuuming and mopping on weekends or evenings. She primarily handled laundry, although without ironing my shirts, a task I took on myself. Even before the children started daycare, she often chose to spend her days at the coffee shop, engaging in conversations with friends or playing chess. She would spend hours there each day. Our contributions to household duties where 50/50
For those of you who might question whether I was a good husband or treated her poorly, let me clarify: I considered myself a romantic, and our relationship was far from toxic. We never engaged in arguments or conflicts, and we made it a point to have a weekly date night. I didn't just reserve flowers for special occasions like her birthday or Valentine's Day; I made it a habit to buy flowers every time I went grocery shopping on a weekly basis—quite unusual, I know. Looking back, I realize I was completely blinded by love, much like many of my family and friends who were similarly entranced by her exceptionally pleasant demeanor. She managed to maintain this facade for a decade, which speaks volumes about her ability to deceive others. It's one thing to pull off such a charade, but to do so for so long is truly remarkable
The Aftermath
Over a span of 26 years, the majority of my income, largely derived from hard work and business endeavors, contributed approximately 85-90% to the assets.
In comparison my wife had 2-3 years of minimum wage employment and an additional 2-3 years spent as a homemaker caring for the children, totaling 5-6 years. Additionally, she received and contributed a $40,000 inheritance. Her financial contribution amounted to approximately 10-15% of the assets.
Despite our initial plans to equally share child-rearing responsibilities, she departed with 80% of the assets and now benefits from substantial government assistance as a single mother. Meanwhile, I am left financially crippled and unable to afford a home in the same neighbourhood as hers. My government makes it nearly impossible for working aged men to receive government assistance, especially at the same level as women. This situation defies logic and fairness.
I've heard countless people say it's never too late to start over, but every time I hear it, I feel an urge to leap across the table and throttle them. I was on the verge of being destitute for the rest of my days. My high-paying job, which was a project-based opportunity, has concluded and is unlikely to come around again. At present, I find myself unemployed and actively seeking new employment.
The devastating betrayal of discovering my spouse's affairs, followed by the grueling legal battles and the crushing blow of financial ruin, has pushed me to the brink. The weight of starting over from scratch, coupled with the overwhelming sense of betrayal and loss, has left me teetering on the edge of despair. Each day feels like an insurmountable struggle, and the thought of continuing down this path feels unbearable. However, my children now serve as my sole source of motivation to keep moving forward. Fortunately, I count myself among the fortunate few who have a strong support system comprised of caring family and friends.
If governments were genuinely committed to addressing the escalating epidemic of suicides, particularly among divorced men, they would give serious consideration to the proposal of mandatory prenuptial financial agreements.
Since our separation, I've uncovered evidence of ongoing infidelities spanning our entire relationship. Every time she left the country, whether visiting family or during her university days, she was involved with other individuals. The affair that shattered our marriage ceased the moment I discovered it. Now, she has a new boyfriend – none other than Robert, from the first job I got her.
Closure
As I bring this post to a close, I want to extend my deepest gratitude to each and every one of you who has taken the time to read my story. Your support and compassion are truly invaluable to me. While I do not wish to impose on anyone, if my journey has resonated with you in any capacity and you find yourself in a position to offer assistance, I humbly request your support. Every donation, regardless of size, plays a significant role in helping me navigate the hurdles before me. However, I understand that everyone's circumstances differ, and I am equally grateful for your kindness and understanding. Thank you for being a part of my journey and for considering lending your support in any way you can. It is my aim to initiate a movement and advocate for change in government policies. I acknowledge that many of you may prefer to remain anonymous from your spouses while contributing to a cause of this nature. Therefore, below, you will find cryptocurrency addresses for those wishing to donate anonymously.
BTC - bc1q8suk6yatjuhva8wyjlfd7k2jjal35pwyx306jh
ETH - 0x69649fe82Ef54cE8E8F68f8D961548d7Fa87fd17
USDT - 0x69649fe82Ef54cE8E8F68f8D961548d7Fa87fd17